When you’re sitting back in your rose pink Cadillac making bets on Kentucky Derby day, ponder this:

13 horses have won the Triple Crown: Sir Barton (1919), Gallant Fox (1930), Omaha (1935), War Admiral (1937), Whirlaway (1941), Count Fleet (1943), Assault (1946), Citation (1948), Secretariat (1973), Seattle Slew (1977), Affirmed (1978), American Pharoah (2015), and Justify (2018).

In fact, you have to go back to 1958/1959 Kentucky Derby (1/3 of the Triple Crown) in order to find horses with somewhat “regular” names winning such a prestigious race.

1958 We saw a winner of the Kentucky Derby by the name of Tim*, a nice regular everyday name.

1959 We had a horse by the name of Tomy Lee win the race. Although it is a funny spelling of Tommy, it is still another great regular day-to-day all-American name.

With horse racing being such a Great American tradition, why then don’t we see more regular everyday names on winning thoroughbreds especially at the higher more prestigious levels?

While I have yet to really research the matter, I can’t help but wonder what kind of message it sends to young breeders? “Don’t name your horse Frank or Tanya because they will never succeed against the likes of Continuation Ministry, Adoption Problem, or Provincial Telecommunication.” or worse: “You’re not good enough. Quit.” And even the one-word names that get used are abstract and well… Kind of… Dumb? Pretentious? Douchebaggy?

I am sure some of you will throw this one in my face:

“Tradition, heritiage, bla bla bla…”

Bullshit.

Look, I don’t even know where I am going with this and maybe someone reading this can shed some light on thoroughbred naming protocols for me. I’d appreciate it.

Meanwhile, I am going to dismount the pulpit and slither away…

Like a horse** with no name…

*Tim Tam: Unconfirmed at this time whether the horse was named for the delicious Australian cookie.
**Snake… That would be a snake with no name. A horse would trot or gallop… Not slither so much…